Update - Nothing More.

It's been awhile.


I have been busy-in-the-brain and not so much in life. My mind is so full of the stuff I have to do for the wedding and for school and for moving to Mississippi that I feel a little like I'm going crazy. I guess that's okay, it's less than 2 months til the wedding and I think I can make it that long. I just cannot wait until we are moved and are able to start our own life together. I can't wait to decorate and take care of my own home. I can't wait to have all my kitchen stuff back and to be able to cook again! It's going to be incredible and everyday I know we're getting closer. The first of a few Bridal showers is in just over a week and I know as the festivities begin everything will start to fly by.


And I wonder... when it's over, will I REALLY miss it? lol


All these things have quite frankly taken precedence over my blog and website building. But it's still in the works... in my mind. I've been staying up far too late the past two weeks and it has thrown off my groove so everyday I have been a tired, moody mess. Except for today! Because I fell asleep before 11:00. Tonight the goal is to fall asleep before 10:30.


Boring blog? I think so, but that's all I've got for now.

To change!

Alright, alright, alright.


So, if you've known me for any amount of time you are familiar with the fact that I am an emotional person.  A very emotional person.


I realize emotion isn't all bad but it usually gets in the way more than it helps out.  I know this from firsthand experience and I've realized it more ever since I met Drew and especially since we've been engaged.


I get my feelings hurt very easily.  I cry way too much and over silly things.  I get angry fast.  And almost constantly feel misunderstood.  These are all the negative sides of emotion and I see these more often than I see the positives.


I've realized for awhile that I need to get this in check if I want to have the kind of marriage I've always longed for.  And not only that, if I simply want to live a happy life I need to change!  Anytime I screw up and let my emotions take control I get so upset with myself and end up extremely unhappy for the rest of the day.


So, do I want to be a happy Promise? Yes! Now it's time to make a change!


This brings me to my next subject:


A few months ago my Mom gave me a book called Managing Your Emotions.  It took me awhile to pick it up but I finally started reading it a few days ago and, man, is it good!  One excerpt from the book cracks me up and I'll probably end up using it at some point... probably the next time Drew and I have a heated discussion. lol


"One time, when I was trying to learn to control my mouth and not talk back to my husband, I got so emotional the Lord had to say to me, 'Joyce, that's enough!  Don't you say another word!' I hurriedly left the room, ran down the hall, and locked myself in the bathroom.  I was so upset I buried my face in a towel and screamed into it!"


If that's what I have to do I will do it!  I just want to be a more pleasant human being.  I do talk back to Drew and sometimes other people.  And I'm kind of spoiled... if I don't get my way I will pout or get angry or cry like a little baby and "stomp" off to my room.  How childish!  And it's all because I allow my emotions to guide me.  I let them determine the way I will act in that situation, instead of manning up and taking control.


It's rather embarrassing to admit these things but isn't that what they say: the first step is admitting you have a problem?  If so then awesome, I have conquered the first step.


And now... the trial begins!

Skimpin'

So,


Drew & I have been living on a very tight budget for the last few months.


We both once had very well-paying jobs on Westheimer waiting tables at two 5-star restaurants.  In September Drew began student teaching (his last hurdle before graduation) and it seriously takes up all of his time: he leaves at 7:30 in the morning and usually isn't home until 5:00. There was simply no way he could continue serving at a restaurant that was over an hour's drive from our home.  Thus, Drew gave his two weeks notice.


Then there's little ole' me. I did not enjoy my job as a server from, well let's see... minus day 1. Being a server is not my cup of tea; it really puts me out of my comfort zone having to talk to strangers all night long and, I hate to use strong words, but I hate working nights. Despite all of this, I pushed myself because I was making good money and knew we needed it. BUT, a few months ago I got so completely and utterly depressed that I couldn't even make myself get out of bed somedays. (side note: I've dealt with depression since I was 11 and there are certain things that really trigger it plus life has just been extra-stessful lately). I went home to CStat for awhile hoping it would help but circumstances seemed to get even worse upon my return to Houston. I literally couldn't go on in that state; Drew was extremely worried about me and would stay home from work some days. We tried to narrow everything down; looking for the biggest stress causers. We came up with a list:

1. The restaurant - it was 1 and 1/2 hours from home.
2. I usually got off work around midnight, then I had to drive 1 and 1/2 hours home... this had me constantly tired the next day.
3. TRAFFIC. I am pretty much a small-town girl and every time I get in the car here I am instantly stressed. My chest tightens up and I can't breathe right! It's stupid and crazy but that's the reality of it.
4. Because of being up so late every night, I had no energy, constantly had colds and was not able to workout. I NEED to workout to feel good about myself and to have energy and strength. This was a big problem.
5. I was starting Fall classes and the thought of having to study, work so far away, go to class and deal with traffic was like impending doom!

So, those were the biggest causes. Drew told me he thought I needed to quit my job and find one nearer to home. So I did. And oh my gosh! Life is so much better. It is still stressful but I workout almost every morning, I have a little me time each day, I work 3 minutes from home and I have time to focus on homework and class. God is SO good.

Oh yeah, I started out this blog talking about money. Well, the job I now have doesn't pay the best and Drew is making absolutely no money as he is a student teacher. It's hard, we don't get to go out much and when I see cute clothes or a purse or a new CD I want... I usually can't purchase it. But each day I think about the new life we'll have after we're married - living in Mississippi, our own little house to take care of, two new jobs, and slightly more money than we have now. Haha. I just keep hanging on and reminding myself that all of the things I want now will just have to wait and that patience is a virtue. And I do believe it pays off. ;)

flores de la boda

Alright, people!  Here are a few pictures I found in a bridal magazine.  I'm having red and white flowers in the wedding and all these flowers caught my eye.

These are simply classic and I love how they make a perfect ball. It's like a flower tumbleweed and it's gorgeous.

Hydrangeas. I thought these would look beautiful nestled in the hands of my bridesmaids. 

I'm not quite sure the name of these flowers but wouldn't they be perfect for a Christmas wedding? Like mine! :D 

These are RED camellias and I would carry a bouquet of these little lovelies. 

I love these classic roses wound into a ball bouquet. I might carry something like this but with camellias instead of roses.  Does anybody know what the white flowers are???

I also love this cascading bouquet. So can't decide which one I want to carry!

Gorgeous white camellia.  I would love for the girls to cary a single blossom but I don't think it would look right. 

Money, creativity, talents. Oh my.

As I spend more time fiddling around with this computer I have come to the realization that I like technology; I like it much more than I used to. I was just saying to my fiance that maybe I should get a degree in some sort of computer program instead of education. Haha. It's super fun and the idea of owning my website someday is really intriguing.

I'm still racking my brain trying to figure out what kind of website to create. It could be something on personal organization or possibly a life coach website. Like I afore mentioned: I love helping people. I guess I "need to feel needed." Any psychology majors out there want to tell me what happened in my childhood to make me this way? ;)

Or... perhaps I should join in with my sister and be a wedding coordinator. All this wedding planning I've been having to do for my own that is coming up in December is kind of... addicting. The other day it hit me that, on December 18th, it will all be over and I will never have to look at another bride magazine again. Or worry about bouquets. Or figure out what kind of bridesmaids dresses I want. Or this, or this, or that. It almost made me cry and I realize that I would actually MISS IT. Believe it or not.

We'll see how all this works out. I know God has some sort of plan for my future "career" and a special way for me to lend a hand in providing for the family Drew and I will someday have. And I think that if I just keep on track and keep working hard toward my college education, God will give me some REVELATION and I shall suddenly know what He has for me to do. He's given me lots of talents and I know that He wants me to put them to good use.

Lord, please open my eyes to the monetary means you have for me. I want to be a BIG help to Drew in bringing financial peace to our family.

Amen.

Just thinking.

So figuring out this blog thing is pretty cool. I'm also in the process of building a website.

What am I good at?

• Organizing
• Planning
• Helping

So what should my website consist of? This is what I'll be figuring out over the next week.

Revelation

Today I was dying as I cycled hills during my studio cycle class at Lifetime.

It hurt, I didn't think I could push myself anymore, and my body almost beat my mind.  Throughout the last 5 years I have come to realize that being fit and healthy is all a MIND game. And 2 years ago I lost the battle.

I was diagnosed with a benign tumor and severe anemia. For months I knew something was wrong with me as my body slowly weakened and I lost energy. I had been in college only a few months when Dr.'s found the tumor. Although it was benign it was causing problems in my body, mostly hormone problems and I couldn't handle it. I was far from home and very lonely and scared.

Luckily, at college, I had 2 wonderful roommates whom I quickly bonded with at the beginning of our freshman year. When things really went down hill is when, one night, I found myself awake and unable to breathe; I was having a panic attack. I struggled with panic attacks for weeks and wound up in the E.R., unable to handle what was going on inside my body.

Today, in my cycling class, my instructor told me to dig down deep and find my motivation for getting healthier and losing weight. My eyes were closed as I searched myself and immediately the terrified and defeated feeling I had felt when I was in the E.R. 2 years ago rushed over me. I realized that that moment had been my defeat in health. I was physically and mentally ill (due to hormones), and that was when I gave up.

Today I held onto that feeling and I told myself over and over: You do this for YOU, Promise. Remember that moment and the defeat you felt. Remember the fear. You're never going back there, you're never losing your health that way again. Taking care of your body STARTS NOW.

It was a revelation and I feel empowered to continue on my journey to be a healthy and fit woman once again.

Thank you, Lord, for strength and determination.

Update

Hello world!


It's been too long.


Life has gotten a lot better - not easier or less stressful but BETTER! Drew and I have so much on our plates but somehow we are holding it together. I am so thankful for each day I have with him. I'm falling more in love with him and we're learning to rely on each other more everyday. 


At this current moment in time I can't really think straight but I know I can get through this day - Monday. I've got math homework, math class, I need to workout at some point and Drew and I have a meeting with the Pastor who is marrying us at 5 o'clock this evening. As long as we keep things in perspective (the important things number one) we get through each day.


Lord, I need You every moment. I need the peace You give, the love, the patience,  and most of all the endurance and strength. Everyday is good with You.