Revelation

Today I was dying as I cycled hills during my studio cycle class at Lifetime.

It hurt, I didn't think I could push myself anymore, and my body almost beat my mind.  Throughout the last 5 years I have come to realize that being fit and healthy is all a MIND game. And 2 years ago I lost the battle.

I was diagnosed with a benign tumor and severe anemia. For months I knew something was wrong with me as my body slowly weakened and I lost energy. I had been in college only a few months when Dr.'s found the tumor. Although it was benign it was causing problems in my body, mostly hormone problems and I couldn't handle it. I was far from home and very lonely and scared.

Luckily, at college, I had 2 wonderful roommates whom I quickly bonded with at the beginning of our freshman year. When things really went down hill is when, one night, I found myself awake and unable to breathe; I was having a panic attack. I struggled with panic attacks for weeks and wound up in the E.R., unable to handle what was going on inside my body.

Today, in my cycling class, my instructor told me to dig down deep and find my motivation for getting healthier and losing weight. My eyes were closed as I searched myself and immediately the terrified and defeated feeling I had felt when I was in the E.R. 2 years ago rushed over me. I realized that that moment had been my defeat in health. I was physically and mentally ill (due to hormones), and that was when I gave up.

Today I held onto that feeling and I told myself over and over: You do this for YOU, Promise. Remember that moment and the defeat you felt. Remember the fear. You're never going back there, you're never losing your health that way again. Taking care of your body STARTS NOW.

It was a revelation and I feel empowered to continue on my journey to be a healthy and fit woman once again.

Thank you, Lord, for strength and determination.